i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My liver just had a heart attack.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
