I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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