fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were trust falling into bushes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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