can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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