handjob tips. give me some.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
