Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
