so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
