did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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