btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
