ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
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What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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