Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
