Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Of course I have a pirate flag
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
