You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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