oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
