I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Panties = found
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
