i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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