Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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