Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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