just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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