I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
