I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
