Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
