now i know why i became what i already was.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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