dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
