oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
