I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
