Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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