new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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