you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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