i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
