$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think people are normalizing furries
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
