her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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