are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
