He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
