was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
