My friends, they love my intelligence
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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