I am puke
no you cant smoke seaweed
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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