whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
