Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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