And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
