hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
