Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
