smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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