mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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