so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
