Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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