3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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