As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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