just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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