I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
