I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize