Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
