While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
