I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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