You smell like a Billy Joel song
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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