I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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