He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
