Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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