mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I could fuck to npr.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
