y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
