We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
