She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
