omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
