i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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