Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
