I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
