I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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