Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
